Thoughts

11/04/2017

I have a good feeling that everything will work out in the end. Still I have thoughts and questions about what's comming. Everything is so uncertain. When will I have surgery? And how will the process be? Will I have a horrible reaaction after the surgery is done or will I only feel relief? No matter what, it's a good feeling to have something to look forward too. I'm keeping calm and I take one day at a time.

I'm not scared about the surgery I hope to get, but I wonder how it feels to not be able to move my neck ever again. I also wonder how it feels when my head does not feel like a bowlingball that's gonna fall of roll across the floor at any minute.

And how does it feel to actually function during a day? How does it feel to go to the store and carry a bag of groceries back home?

How does it feel to be able to walk through a crowd full of people and not be scared for someone to bump into you? Or how does it even feel too walk through a crowd full of prople.

It would be so great to not be dependent of everyone else all the time. It would be amazing to free of these pain that takes over my life.

I can't get over the fact that life really is not supposed to be painfull like this.

I was able to take a shower today and I feel a bit better. So I'm happy about that. Ariel eat both breakfast and dinner outside in this nice weather, whe love to just lay in the grass. Last night I scared the hell out of Huy when I took up the roller blinds in the bedroom with a boom because Ariel and I wanted to look at the stars. Ha-ha! We watched the fullmoon, stars and the planets. She might have been looking out for the cats next door but it was nice anyway.