Desperate

23/03/2017

Today is a rough day. I'm not even going to try to sugarcoat it. If I where to write a blogpost about my day today, it would only say: today I've been laying at the sofa. So instead of writing about my day I thought it was a good idea to write about the years before I took Upright MRI.

Before 2012 I had no idea that I had neck injuries. I knew it had to be something because I was in so much pain, but I did not know what it could be. I was told to exercise more, that my pain was all in my head, that my posture was wong and what not

After I went to see dr. Stokke and he told me i had neck injuries, I was so happy and excited and thought that i finally would get help. I could not be more wring because no one belived me now either. I was told that the injuries did not exist and even though I knew they did, it was a small part of me who had doubt. In my darkest houres I had alot of doubt in myself. It makes me so angry thinking about it. Can not belive they had me soubting myself.

All the sleepless nights where i cried myself to sleep. Alle days I keept searching for someone to help me. Alle the times I screames of pain and could not see any light i the end of the tunnel. I was so desperate for some one to believe me. For me it was not enough that only I knew.

Of course the neck injuries showed on the scans.

Before I went to Germany to have a Upright MRI scan, i was a complete wrek. I talked about it all the time, I kept tellig Huy "What if they can't find anything? What if I really am crazy?". One of the last things I told him before I went to have the scan was "If my injuries don't show, just send me to a mental hospital as soon as we get back to Norway. If I've imagined these pains since I was 11 years old, I really am crazy".

Of course the injuries where located. I gave dr. Förg a big hug after the apointment, but I cried as I left his office. I remember I was really angry. All these years in terrible pain and no help or answers in Norway. It took a while before I could put that anger away. Maybe it never went completely away, because  I'm still very upset and disapointed in the norwegian healthcare system.